"The worst something can be is boring." - me

@throwpup

P u k e y !

the sick pup who throws up

I'm terminally ill, and can't leave my home due to medical conditions, so I spend my time writing memorable stories that I hope to share with others.

I have an extensive history of serious medical abuse that I've taken upon myself as inspiration for the things I write.I'm also unapologetically trans, gay, and a bit of an internet mom for others that have a bad hand in life. I have a soft spot for broken, damaged, and discarded people who choose to hold on to hope, even when it's delusional to.

My Interests & Hobbies

I love so many, many things <3

Here's a few:

- Anime ( especially Yuri, but I watch everything )
- Shiki, Future Diary, Made in Abyss, etc.
- Horror Games ( Signalis, Layers of Fear, etc. )
- Tabletop Games ( Pathfinder, 3.5, & my own System )
- Visual Novels ( Your Turn to Die, Indie Gems, etc. )
- Indie Games ( All kinds, especially those by friends )
- Immersive Sims ( Bioshock, Dark Messiah, etc. )
- Early 2000's RPGs ( Oblivion, Overlord, etc. )
- Metal : Metalcore, Symphonic, Folk, Nu, etc.
- Motionless in White, I See Stars, Born of Osiris
- Breakcore, Hyperpop, Witch House, etc.
- Bloody Mercury, Siiickbrain, iRis.EXE
- Weird abstract art, games, horror, etc.
- Fashion and cute stuff like plushies and dolls
- Yami Kawaii, Goth, Pastel Goth ( I dress like this daily )
- I want to cosplay more, but my health makes it hard
- Big fan of theme parks despite not being able to go
- I love candy and always have a lolipop in my mouth
- I'm a big foodie despite having a tiny stomach
- I'm a big fan of VR, and VRChat. Come say hi!
- I love learning fun facts and weird things
- Before I got too sick, I used to love diving
- And above all, I love my super gay wife

Medical Conditions

I have several severe medical conditions that affect everyday life, and also some unique conditions. My doctors have called me a 'medical unicorn' and I've been used as a case study at Baylor. Every year, MD Anderson and Mayo Clinic review my case to see if any new treatments may be useful to me. All conditions listed below have been formally diagnosed.My two major conditions are:Mast Cell Activation Syndrome
MCAS (for short) is the condition that affects my life in the most major ways by causing my Mast Cells to attack harmless chemicals, resulting in allergic reactions to mundane everyday things. I have an extreme case of MCAS, leading me to vomit blood among other horrible things when exposed to the smell of things such as: soap, perfume, detergent, air fresheners, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, natural oils, many foods, and many other things. Because of this, I have to live in isolation. I haven't seen someone other than my doctors, or my mother, in person for many years- let alone my friends. I cannot leave my room without getting horribly sick, all my food has to be specially prepared, and I have to bathe with vinegar and baking soda.Idiopathic Dysautonomia
My sort of 'parent' illness, and the one responsible for many others below. Dysautonomia causes the unconscious parts of my brain to malfunction, resulting in issues with my immune system, breathing, body temperature regulation, heart, blood pressure, muscular issues, and many other problems. The exact type of Dysautonomia I have is unfortunately unique, or rare enough that there are no existing support systems or tried and true treatments available for me.I have many minor conditions as a result of the two above, such as comprehension dyslexia ( I cannot read or write unless I'm alone ), sleep paralysis, hallucinations, and hypertonic muscles - but I won't bother listing all of them here. Just know that my brain has done a really good job of destroying itself.On the topic of being terminal - I have a major issue with muscle cramps. Some of my internal muscles like to cramp HARD, and I mean like, childbirth levels of hard. So hard they can pull and tear at themselves when I'm having a bad spasm episode. I have an implant that keeps the worst of them from cramping, but as a result, I get infections and sepsis extremely frequently - which if you don't know, is a super deadly blood infection. Each time I get sepsis, I get a little bit weaker, and It will eventually kill me. Meanwhile, I'm trying the best I can to find an alternative to my implant, or some other solution to my muscular issue. As of now, if I were to remove the implant, I'd be in so much pain that I couldn't eat, sleep, play games, watch shows, work, or even focus enough to have a normal conversation.Despite all of this - I'm a super friendly, positive, and lively person. I hate pity, and I'm a tough girlboss about it all. My life has always been difficult, so I don't believe happiness should be expected to fall onto your plate all by itself. Happiness must be both made, and fought for - and Pukey is up to the challenge <3

All - 2024

March - 2024